


The Destiny That Never Was

by Nattymctatty



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 14:53:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15608718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nattymctatty/pseuds/Nattymctatty
Summary: Beginning at the end of season 5,  this story follows Merlin as he struggles to cope with the death of Arthur and his growing obsession with changing the past.





	The Destiny That Never Was

**Author's Note:**

> I loved and hated the ending to Merlin. There were so many beautiful moments between the characters and we finally got to see Arthur accepting Merlin for who he really was... but my heart was broken with Arthur's death, with the destiny that never came about and with that very last scene of Merlin still waiting for Arthur to return :(  
> This is my attempt at making all of that right! I hope you like it :)

The absolute stillness around him would have been unsettling, had he been able to notice it. Not a whistle from a bird nor a whisper from the wind broke the hush. The waters of Avalon lay still and silent, in stern opposition to the raging storm that was sweeping through Merlin’s heart as the grief and despair threatened to consume him.

It was as if nature itself was grieving the loss of Camelot’s greatest King.

 For Merlin, failing in his destiny was inconsequential now. The loss of his friend, painful beyond belief, eclipsed all else.

When he had first unknowingly dedicated his life to that prattish, arrogant Prince by saving his life, he hadn’t even liked Arthur. His lips quirked into a bitter smile as he remembered how annoyed he had been when Uther had ‘rewarded’ him with the job as Arthur’s manservant all those years ago. Funny how things had changed…he would have given anything now to turn back the time and be back there, working for the cabbage headed prince that would eventually become his dearest friend.

Thinking of Arthur sent another fierce wave of emotion rolling over him and his eyes were drawn back out to the water where Arthur’s body now lay. His hands shook as he scrubbed at his reddened eyes and then brought them down to cover his mouth, attempting to hold in the choked sobs that were trying to burst from his chest like water from a swollen river, ready to overflow its banks. He didn’t know what to do or how to be anymore. All he knew was that Arthur was out there alone and he wasn’t ready to leave his side yet.

 Protecting Arthur hadn’t always been easy. There had been more times than he could count where the exhaustion, the worry and the suffocating weight of his destiny had left Merlin feeling downright miserable. But even on those dark days, when all his efforts seemed useless and when the loneliness and dejection had threatened to overwhelm him completely, Arthur had been worth the struggle and Merlin knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never recover from his loss.

Arthur was gone. The wound that his death left upon Merlin would never heal, the guilt would never fade, and he knew that nothing would ever be the same again. _He_ would never be the same again.

 The memory of Arthur lying in his arms was still so fresh that he could almost feel the weight of him there. In the end Arthur had understood about Merlin’s magic, all of the secrets and the lies, and he had thanked him for all he had done. Merlin’s heart had broken in that moment, watching his friend face death with so much grace and humility. He had spent his last breaths making sure that Merlin was acknowledged for all his sacrifices and ensuring that he knew that all was well between the two of them. All Merlin had been able to do was hold him and hope that his presence was a comfort in those final moments.

_It hurt._

_Oh God did it hurt_

A fresh wave of sorrow swept over him and caught in his throat, making him choke and gasp for air. His shoulders were hunched, and his fists clenched so tight that his fingernails drew blood from his palms, dripping down unnoticed to the ground.

His mind was a jumble of thoughts and feelings, tangled, confused and despairing.

He was torn between wanting it all to end, to allow the numbness to finally creep over him and let him fade away into oblivion or wanting to scream and rage, pushing his magic to rip through the trees and annihilate the land to mirror the anguish that was decimating his heart.

But even in the midst of all his torment, he would not allow himself that release. With magic as powerful as he possessed came the duty to preserve and protect and Merlin knew that even now, when he was lost in the darkest of places, his pain would have to remain hidden away inside, free to hurt no-one but himself.

Devastated beyond words and powerless to do anything at all, he let out a strangled cry of frustration, and then, finally surrendering himself to utter exhaustion, the most powerful warlock to ever walk the earth crumpled to the ground, placed his head in his hands and sobbed.

 


End file.
